title: Running by Jason Mraz

i fell in love with mr. a-z today.
so i was talking to gihan today, and he said that maybe the reason i wasn't writing was because my standards were too high. like because i haven't written in so long i feel like whatever i write has to be perfect, and/or amazing. and every time i start to write, that doesn't happen and i give up. at first i thought he was way off, but now i'm not so sure.

in fact i'm 99% sure he's right. how sad is that? to let perfectionism get in the way of my passion?

lameness.

so i'm just kind writing now. nothing in particular. no motives, no nothing. just writing.

he'll kill me, because i'm sure he'll read this. and i'm sure it'll be cheesy, but it's what's been on my mind lately so i'm going to write about the last four months with a certain boy.

four months ago today i went on my first date ever. i'll never forget the oh so romantic way he asked, "i figured i should grow a pair and ask you"

charming.

we walked around o'connell for a while just talking. and that's what we did for a long time. just talked. i love that. i still hadn't been kissed before good friday.

now i'm feeling like i want to give up on this post again. like it isn't going where i want it to because i can't accurately describe my feelings. when did i become so technical?

i swear school is sucking out my soul. slowly but surely. it'll all be over soon, but honestly i don't know how to cope sometimes. i've wanted to cry so many times, but as usual i couldn't.

i confuse myself like no other. here i thought writing about gihan would be easy, but it totally wasn't. i thought because i spend so much thinking about him that it'd be like a release...but maybe i don't want to release. somethings are meant to stay inside. i dont' really know...

well i guess i'll apologize for the middle then. i was trying to hard, and i didn't need to be. i think this flow of thoughts is working about better. it's like a play by play of what runs through my head.

i should sleep now, and my laptop is dying. i'll post a jason mraz song:

1000 Things, by Jason Mraz
I'm overjoyed and over loved and feeling lucky
Like a little boy who's hiding under covers
And looking to discover any way to play the part inside his darkened cave
Well the meaning of life it starts at the nightlight
Close your eyes and hope to see mine
Well I've seen a thousand things in one place
But I stopped my counting when I saw your face
Erasing memory I feel as though I've never seen a face before
Until I saw your eyes smiling back at me thru my tears
I've been counting all these years
Now suddenly the thousand things I've seen were
Nothing more than dreams of you and me
You and me quietly at a stand still
Fortunately you will kiss me and I'll kiss you back
Fact of the matter of is that I don't know what the latter is
That I always wanted to kiss you but I always wanted to run from you
Because I always wanted to miss you
And that I've always wanted to come for you
So... how do you do?

-katie*