title: Come Right Out and Say It by Relient K

i thought i should write about this after kayla and i had a lengthy conversation on the same topic. i have adopted a new religion/denomination/philosophy of sorts. it's called Christian Universalism. it's largely rooted in Christianity, but it deals with some of the issues i've had with teh religion since day one.

the universalist way of thinking is quite simple: everyone goes to heavan eventually. everyone. it states that all people will go to heaven. those that do not believe in God, or who follow other religions will have a period of suffering in hell in the afterlife, but will eventually come to God Himself in heaven. this makes a lot of sense to me. i could never understand why a God who supposedly loves all His children would condemn some to hell, because God knows everything right? He knows before birth whether or not you'll be a Christian, so why would he love some more than others?

also, this addresses the issue of the uninformed. what about children in remote villages taht never hear the gosple? do they go to hell? does a person like ghandi go to hell? these are all issues i've had with the church.

some Christians may say that universalism doesn't work, that it makes the cross and the call obsolete, but i disagree. the cross is still amazingly important. the cross is God's promise to ALL people of salvation. the cross tells us that if we try our hardest to be like Jesus, we go to heaven. that if you accept Jesus, you get to come right away. you skip hell altogether to be with you savior. the call is to tell the others the good news. to tell them they dont' have to suffer.

i dont' know, i guess it works for me. i've thought this ways for years, it's just nice to know there are others (besides kayla) who agree with me.

that is all
-katie*

title: Details in the Fabric by Jason Mraz

i want to go see him this november sooooo badly! if anyone is at all interested they should for sure let me know (it is a thursday...)

so the past few days have been good. i've been meaning to write actually. yesterday i found a religion/denomination/philosophy i REALLY like (meaning i agree with it). it's really nice to know you're not crazy y'know? well...i suppose i'm still crazy, but there are similar crazies now.

i fell in love with my fantastic boyfriend again (and gihan, because i know you're reading this, don't even bother getting a swollen ego. we both know i'll find a way to demasculate you again before the week's over). have you ever noticed how that goes? it's not like i fell out of love with him. i just...fell in love again. actually i think i'll write him a letter sometime tomorrow. probably won't send it, but who cares?

life has been nice. i've even been feeling pretty. yeah, shocking. i've decided i like my face. i still don't see why my body's so awesome, but i guess i can learn. then i will be the greatest flirt in the world! bwhahahahaha

i kid. well it's late (for those of us who like to go to bed at ten). goodnight kiddies, and if you were at the concert an hour ago, i hope you enjoyed

-katie*

title: Caroline from Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist

amazing movie. i love it!!!!
i want a night like that...spontaneous

that's all i got

title: Prayer of the Children by Kurt Bestor

that song is amazing. and on october 27th you too, can hear it at the Prior Lake High School Fall Concert! and that is my shameless plug for choir...

so i was thinking, i think i want to start up a human rights club of sorts. i'm thinking i'll go with an invisible children screening at least, mostly because it's doable. i could ask kayla for her copy, and if there's interest we could always hold another...wouldn't be so hard. if anyone's interested we can talk...too bad alex doesn't go to high school! she'd help me with human rights...

i'm drinking a rockstar in an effort to stay up so that i might finish this english paper i haven't started yet...that was due this morning but not really...oh late night trips to otto's house.

again with the avoiding the topic at hand katie!

so last night my dad was drunk and asked my mom to pick him up. and she went, but not to pick him up. she came armed with a therapist and two cops. they took him to detox. he was "suicidal" but i dont' believe that. my dad is a big fan of saying "i'm going to kill myself" but it's an empty threat. but still...everytime i check my phone, or come home from anything i half expect my mom to tell me the worst. and over and over in my head i've tried to predict my reaction. would the anger subside? would i cry?

i don't htink i'd do anything. i think i'd say something profound like "oh." it's hard for me to feel anything for my dad. i know i should pray for him, but i can't. there's too much anger. i can't even bring myself to ask others to pray for him in my place because i don't want them to question me. i hesitate to tell people things because part of me doesn't want to talk. part of me is dying for someone to lean on...but i don't want to talk.

it's a dillema to say the least. i just don't quite no where to go from here.

i'll never forget the first time i actually heard my dad say the words "i'm going to kill myself"
it was evelyn's birthday. he said it loud enough for me to hear, which means she heard it too.
i screamed at him. i yelled "how dare you?!" we all knew he didn't mean it. we all knew he'd never follow through because my father has never followed through on one thing in his entire life. regardless i'd never been so scared. i didn't know what to do, i just sat in my room crying. i was so angry

the anger has not subsided since july 6th.

i've considered extremes like restraining order, but i don't like the permanence.

...i need to think. and write this paper, but once again i'm too distracted to start.

-katie*

Out of Our Heads by Sheryl Crow

i usually don't like her, but this song is good.

so i was thinking about something just now. just a few weeks ago my mom was pushing me almost constantly to talk to my dad, to reconcile with him. but now, she hasn't said a word. i understand he's not stable, but why didn't she trust my judgment initially? again, my dad isn't stable, and neither am i. how can i be expected to respect and lean on someone less stable than myself? that's just insanity.

i'm coming around to the idea of alcohol. i don't know, i just can't decide which is worse, the risk of my own addiction, or living in fear. granted i'm not a big fan of the taste (well...the burn) of alcohol, but there's nothing wrong with a wine cooler right?

on a brighter note i started doing yoga today. hopefully that means i'll be relaxed enough that i won't have to take those damn pills anymore. i hate that my body doesn't function correctly.

jumping around again: i'm painting my room this week. i know i know, i just painted it like two years ago, but i feel like i'm entering an entirely new season in my life and the physical change will help me out a lot. so i'm going for a more peaceful color scheme. warm gray walls (such a color does exist) with purple and white accents.

isn't it amazing how easily i avoid the real point of my writing? i'm so excellent at hiding. i sat down to write because my dad is drunk and lost his glasses. my mom went out to help him find them which is completely stupid because he needs them to drive. HE'S DRUNK! WHY IS HE DRIVING?!

i'm just so over this. i'm not even that mad. it's just sad. it's that level of pathetic where you want to laugh, a cold, dark laugh. sad, sad, sad.

he'll get it someday.
-katie*