title: Burn Out Bright by Switchfoot
i want this song played at my funeral, and let this be the official documentation of my wishes. i also want Stars I Shall Find.
so i really didn't know what to type about today until just a few moments ago. lately i've been having a lot of trouble with christians. i feel like they're completely missing the point. i think Jesus's message was painfully clear. it's simple. it's not easy to carry out, but it is easy to understand. i feel like christians have complicated it for no reason. really how hard is it: do what God says, and trust that He's in control
HE'S IN CONTROL FOLKS! God wasn't kidding when He said He's got it covered, He really, really does.
so leslie came over a little while ago and my mom was telling her about the "date" she and my dad went on saturday night. part of their date was going to steve's church, River of Joy. what she descibed was what i wanted. i really want to talk to steve now. when i hear steve i feel reassured. sometimes i have to wonder if i'm hearing God correctly. have you ever considered that so many people have done things this way for so long, what makes me think i know more? how can i think i know better than generations of believers. this is how i know:
King David
the Apostle Paul
Martin Luther
Martin Luther King Jr.
Aida Skripnikova
Anne Lamott
Donald Miller
Craig Gross
Jay Bakker
Jonathan Foreman
Jamie Tworkowski
Steve Bonesho
and of course
Jesus the one and only Christ
oh yes, this people make me feel like i'm in the right. i know what i'm doing. okay...i lied. i have no clue what i'm doing, but i know that i'm going in the right direction, and i know where to find the answers (that last guy usually helps me out of scrapes). so i'm thinking that there's hope for us after all.
well it's pretty hard to write about Jesus when your listening to My Chemical Romance's "Teenagers"
i love you
-katie*
That's when the irony hit me...Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
title: (Fin*) by Anberlin
Jesus is in the house...i love Him
-katie*
Jesus is in the house...i love Him
-katie*
Monday, August 20, 2007
title: Beauty from Pain by Superchic[k]
oh what an interesting day. actually, most of today wasn't interesting. i went to work from 10:30 to 4:00 which was really long because it was so slow. after work i got Everybody Hurts which is a satirical book on emo kids...funny stuff. i also got a job application! but i won't say for where...i don't want to get my hopes up.
is it bad that i'm really fed up with kayla? is it worse that i don't know why? is it bad that i'm losing my last friend? after kayla i'll have none left. it's times like these when i really just want to curl up and die. i don't want to live because i don't want to wait. i hate being so lonely! i called marissa but she was driving, then she called me back and i was driving, then i called her back adn she didn't answer...she was probably meeting with someone more important. i'm so discouraged. i seriously want to die.
-katie
"every scar is a bridge to someone's broken heart"-For Miles, Thrice
oh what an interesting day. actually, most of today wasn't interesting. i went to work from 10:30 to 4:00 which was really long because it was so slow. after work i got Everybody Hurts which is a satirical book on emo kids...funny stuff. i also got a job application! but i won't say for where...i don't want to get my hopes up.
is it bad that i'm really fed up with kayla? is it worse that i don't know why? is it bad that i'm losing my last friend? after kayla i'll have none left. it's times like these when i really just want to curl up and die. i don't want to live because i don't want to wait. i hate being so lonely! i called marissa but she was driving, then she called me back and i was driving, then i called her back adn she didn't answer...she was probably meeting with someone more important. i'm so discouraged. i seriously want to die.
-katie
"every scar is a bridge to someone's broken heart"-For Miles, Thrice
Sunday, August 19, 2007
title: Imagination by Jonezetta
see i do listen to other music! this song is so fitting. perhaps i'll post the lyrics in a moment.
so i signed on the computer with the purpose of putting a blog here, but before i headed to this site i tried to get on the land of broken hearts to see if chronzerg had pmed me. he had, but i couldn't open it, so i'm thinking i need to focus on this first, then i'll read his post.
today was so confusing...kayla and i went to the mall of america but we didn't really do all that much because we were just there about two weeks ago. so i guess we had fun, but not that much you know? then while we were heading home (my dad drove, he likes to visit us on sundays) jenny called me adn asked if i wanted to go to the wilsons' house for dinner and then head out to a bible study, and you know what? it sounded like fun. oh yeah, me, thinking something that isn't a switchfoot concert, fun? am i crazy?!
i turned her down because for the first time since my dad left we're having dinner with all four of us, but it did sound inviting. i think i'd be fine hanging out with them if i didn't have to go the bible study. but who knows...i'm so desperate for church right now i don't even know what to do. marissa doesn't want to go to the upper room, kayla just downplays everything (i think she's a negative influence sometimes) so i don't really know how to go about churching myself. i really want to go somewhere though. i feel like spending this summer without church has been a waste...i haven't learned anything (okay, that's not true, but i don't feel real growth...i actually just don't know how to phrase this i guess)
i don't know what the solution is just yet...i guess i'll have to pray. *sigh* it's gonna be rough but i do think i need to talk to God.
-katie*
ps- i know i said i'd post Imagination but i just remembered that i started to talk to God last night while listening to this song:
Learning How to Die by Jon Foreman
I'm going miss you
I'm going to miss you when you're gone
She says "I love you,
I'm going to miss hearing your songs"
I said "Please
Don't talk about the end
Don't talk about how every living thing goes away"
She said "Friend,
All along thought I was learning how to take
How to bend, not how to break
How to live, not how to cry
But really I've been learning how to die
I've been learning how to die"
Hey everyone, I've got no where to go
The grave is lazy
He takes our bodies slow
And I said "Please
Don't talk about the end
Don't talk about how every living thing goes away"
I said "Friend
All along thought I was learning how to take
How to bend, not how to break
How to live, not how to cry
But really I've been learning how to die
I've been learning how to die, die, die I've been learning how to die I've been learning how to die"
see i do listen to other music! this song is so fitting. perhaps i'll post the lyrics in a moment.
so i signed on the computer with the purpose of putting a blog here, but before i headed to this site i tried to get on the land of broken hearts to see if chronzerg had pmed me. he had, but i couldn't open it, so i'm thinking i need to focus on this first, then i'll read his post.
today was so confusing...kayla and i went to the mall of america but we didn't really do all that much because we were just there about two weeks ago. so i guess we had fun, but not that much you know? then while we were heading home (my dad drove, he likes to visit us on sundays) jenny called me adn asked if i wanted to go to the wilsons' house for dinner and then head out to a bible study, and you know what? it sounded like fun. oh yeah, me, thinking something that isn't a switchfoot concert, fun? am i crazy?!
i turned her down because for the first time since my dad left we're having dinner with all four of us, but it did sound inviting. i think i'd be fine hanging out with them if i didn't have to go the bible study. but who knows...i'm so desperate for church right now i don't even know what to do. marissa doesn't want to go to the upper room, kayla just downplays everything (i think she's a negative influence sometimes) so i don't really know how to go about churching myself. i really want to go somewhere though. i feel like spending this summer without church has been a waste...i haven't learned anything (okay, that's not true, but i don't feel real growth...i actually just don't know how to phrase this i guess)
i don't know what the solution is just yet...i guess i'll have to pray. *sigh* it's gonna be rough but i do think i need to talk to God.
-katie*
ps- i know i said i'd post Imagination but i just remembered that i started to talk to God last night while listening to this song:
Learning How to Die by Jon Foreman
I'm going miss you
I'm going to miss you when you're gone
She says "I love you,
I'm going to miss hearing your songs"
I said "Please
Don't talk about the end
Don't talk about how every living thing goes away"
She said "Friend,
All along thought I was learning how to take
How to bend, not how to break
How to live, not how to cry
But really I've been learning how to die
I've been learning how to die"
Hey everyone, I've got no where to go
The grave is lazy
He takes our bodies slow
And I said "Please
Don't talk about the end
Don't talk about how every living thing goes away"
I said "Friend
All along thought I was learning how to take
How to bend, not how to break
How to live, not how to cry
But really I've been learning how to die
I've been learning how to die, die, die I've been learning how to die I've been learning how to die"
Saturday, August 18, 2007
title: Redemption by Switchfoot
it really seems like Switchfoot and Jon Foreman (of Switchfoot) are the only things i listen to! this is, of course, far from the truth (but jon's solo stuff does rock my face off)
so when i was taking out the garbage at work today i thought of the song redemption. this is not a particularly amazing song, although it is off an amazing album (The Beautiful Letdown, 2003) but when you look at even the songs that border is (Dare You to Move and The Beautiful Letdown) is dose get overshadowed. this is not a live song. there is actually a rumor that one of the memebers of switchfoot, doesn't even like it (silly jon...i'm kidding, i don't even think that's true). but today i realized that this is a song that fits my current, stubborn-arse demon.
Redemption by Switchfoot
four am two hours to go
i was wearing out a lonely glow
i'm missing more than i could know
here i am
here i am
won't you take me?
i've got my hands
at redemption side
who's scars are bigger than
these doubts of mine
i'll fit all of these monstrocities inside
then i'll come alive
with my pistol at your feet
i was running out of mysteries
insecure and incomplete
here i am
here i am
won't you give me?
my fears have worn me out
my fears have worn me out
yeah, my fears have worn me out
worn me
worn me, yeah
gotta love those switchdudes.
-katie*
it really seems like Switchfoot and Jon Foreman (of Switchfoot) are the only things i listen to! this is, of course, far from the truth (but jon's solo stuff does rock my face off)
so when i was taking out the garbage at work today i thought of the song redemption. this is not a particularly amazing song, although it is off an amazing album (The Beautiful Letdown, 2003) but when you look at even the songs that border is (Dare You to Move and The Beautiful Letdown) is dose get overshadowed. this is not a live song. there is actually a rumor that one of the memebers of switchfoot, doesn't even like it (silly jon...i'm kidding, i don't even think that's true). but today i realized that this is a song that fits my current, stubborn-arse demon.
Redemption by Switchfoot
four am two hours to go
i was wearing out a lonely glow
i'm missing more than i could know
here i am
here i am
won't you take me?
i've got my hands
at redemption side
who's scars are bigger than
these doubts of mine
i'll fit all of these monstrocities inside
then i'll come alive
with my pistol at your feet
i was running out of mysteries
insecure and incomplete
here i am
here i am
won't you give me?
my fears have worn me out
my fears have worn me out
yeah, my fears have worn me out
worn me
worn me, yeah
gotta love those switchdudes.
-katie*
title: A Cure for Pain (Ten Years) by Jon Foreman
what a beautiful song. so today was pretty productive adn it's only 12:48. not too shabby eh? i woke up around 7:00-7:30 watched tv forever. then i went to target with my mom, i got a planner and a notebook for school (the planner is really good...i'm so glad i have it). yesterday i told my mom a lot of things, yesterday i decided i'm not going to let my fears rule me. i'm going to go back to the way i used to be...with a twist.
i'm thinking i'm not a good christian. i'm thinking i'm pretty much an awful christian. i don't want to fix that. i want to follow what Jesus said. that's it. i believe that what Jesus said was fairly simple, but somehow we messed it all up...why do we do that? i love God and isn't that all the matters?
i'm just thinking that christianity isn't all that important as long as you follow God, and love him. that's what christianity should be, but it's not and that's just silly to me.
i refuse to worship the Bible. i'm following God.
-katie*
what a beautiful song. so today was pretty productive adn it's only 12:48. not too shabby eh? i woke up around 7:00-7:30 watched tv forever. then i went to target with my mom, i got a planner and a notebook for school (the planner is really good...i'm so glad i have it). yesterday i told my mom a lot of things, yesterday i decided i'm not going to let my fears rule me. i'm going to go back to the way i used to be...with a twist.
i'm thinking i'm not a good christian. i'm thinking i'm pretty much an awful christian. i don't want to fix that. i want to follow what Jesus said. that's it. i believe that what Jesus said was fairly simple, but somehow we messed it all up...why do we do that? i love God and isn't that all the matters?
i'm just thinking that christianity isn't all that important as long as you follow God, and love him. that's what christianity should be, but it's not and that's just silly to me.
i refuse to worship the Bible. i'm following God.
-katie*
Labels: ponderings
Friday, August 17, 2007
title: Do You Only Love the Ones Who Look Like You by Jon Foreman and Molly Jenson
i'm going to schedual time everyday from now on to blog. i'm not going to watch tv or anything, just blog, and this is my place to do it. the most i'll do is listen to some good music for inspiration. like right now, i'm listening to Awakening (Acoustic) by Switchfoot. today is my new beginning. i'm going to get better.
see you tomorrow!
-katie*
i'm going to schedual time everyday from now on to blog. i'm not going to watch tv or anything, just blog, and this is my place to do it. the most i'll do is listen to some good music for inspiration. like right now, i'm listening to Awakening (Acoustic) by Switchfoot. today is my new beginning. i'm going to get better.
see you tomorrow!
-katie*