title: Prayer of the Children by Kurt Bestor

that song is amazing. and on october 27th you too, can hear it at the Prior Lake High School Fall Concert! and that is my shameless plug for choir...

so i was thinking, i think i want to start up a human rights club of sorts. i'm thinking i'll go with an invisible children screening at least, mostly because it's doable. i could ask kayla for her copy, and if there's interest we could always hold another...wouldn't be so hard. if anyone's interested we can talk...too bad alex doesn't go to high school! she'd help me with human rights...

i'm drinking a rockstar in an effort to stay up so that i might finish this english paper i haven't started yet...that was due this morning but not really...oh late night trips to otto's house.

again with the avoiding the topic at hand katie!

so last night my dad was drunk and asked my mom to pick him up. and she went, but not to pick him up. she came armed with a therapist and two cops. they took him to detox. he was "suicidal" but i dont' believe that. my dad is a big fan of saying "i'm going to kill myself" but it's an empty threat. but still...everytime i check my phone, or come home from anything i half expect my mom to tell me the worst. and over and over in my head i've tried to predict my reaction. would the anger subside? would i cry?

i don't htink i'd do anything. i think i'd say something profound like "oh." it's hard for me to feel anything for my dad. i know i should pray for him, but i can't. there's too much anger. i can't even bring myself to ask others to pray for him in my place because i don't want them to question me. i hesitate to tell people things because part of me doesn't want to talk. part of me is dying for someone to lean on...but i don't want to talk.

it's a dillema to say the least. i just don't quite no where to go from here.

i'll never forget the first time i actually heard my dad say the words "i'm going to kill myself"
it was evelyn's birthday. he said it loud enough for me to hear, which means she heard it too.
i screamed at him. i yelled "how dare you?!" we all knew he didn't mean it. we all knew he'd never follow through because my father has never followed through on one thing in his entire life. regardless i'd never been so scared. i didn't know what to do, i just sat in my room crying. i was so angry

the anger has not subsided since july 6th.

i've considered extremes like restraining order, but i don't like the permanence.

...i need to think. and write this paper, but once again i'm too distracted to start.

-katie*