Out of Our Heads by Sheryl Crow

i usually don't like her, but this song is good.

so i was thinking about something just now. just a few weeks ago my mom was pushing me almost constantly to talk to my dad, to reconcile with him. but now, she hasn't said a word. i understand he's not stable, but why didn't she trust my judgment initially? again, my dad isn't stable, and neither am i. how can i be expected to respect and lean on someone less stable than myself? that's just insanity.

i'm coming around to the idea of alcohol. i don't know, i just can't decide which is worse, the risk of my own addiction, or living in fear. granted i'm not a big fan of the taste (well...the burn) of alcohol, but there's nothing wrong with a wine cooler right?

on a brighter note i started doing yoga today. hopefully that means i'll be relaxed enough that i won't have to take those damn pills anymore. i hate that my body doesn't function correctly.

jumping around again: i'm painting my room this week. i know i know, i just painted it like two years ago, but i feel like i'm entering an entirely new season in my life and the physical change will help me out a lot. so i'm going for a more peaceful color scheme. warm gray walls (such a color does exist) with purple and white accents.

isn't it amazing how easily i avoid the real point of my writing? i'm so excellent at hiding. i sat down to write because my dad is drunk and lost his glasses. my mom went out to help him find them which is completely stupid because he needs them to drive. HE'S DRUNK! WHY IS HE DRIVING?!

i'm just so over this. i'm not even that mad. it's just sad. it's that level of pathetic where you want to laugh, a cold, dark laugh. sad, sad, sad.

he'll get it someday.
-katie*