title: Boxing Day by Relient K

it's a day late but who cares. i just read jamie tworkowski's annual thanksgiving day blog and in it his posed a few questions that i think i'll take a minute to answer:

"What do you have to be thankful for?"
a few days ago i wouldn't have been able to answer this question. i would have told you that i didn't have much. i would have said i have my mom and my boyfriend to be thankful for. that's all.
but not today. firstly, i'd like to add the rest of my family and my friends to that list. oh they make me crazy, but i have them, and not everyone does. not everyone has crazy insane family and friends like mine, and i am grateful for them.
i am thankful for my house. i am thankful that for my car (whom i should treat to an oil change :D). i am thankful for my teachers (with special empahsis on a certain carol ottoson). i am thankful for my job. i am thankful that i am loved. i am thankful for the laughter i hear coming from my kitchen. i am thankful that i have a sweet little kitty that eats the flies in my house.
i am thankful for christmas music. i am thankful for so much. i could go on and on.

"Who do you love?"
well, i figure i'll get the obvious out of the way. gihan, i love you. if you didn't know that i am officially a shitty girlfriend. i mean honestly, between last night and the blog i wrote...i love you.
i love my family. particularly my mom and sister. my mom is one of the strongest people i have ever had the pleasure to know. but i get to know her even more than others because she's my mom. if i were into all that "strong woman" bullshit i'd have the best role model imaginable.
i love my friends. each of them differently, but love them i do. i love the deep and/or fangirly conversations i have with kayla. i love/hate the way marissa tries to take care of me and do what she thinks is best. she means well and i love her.
i love my lesbian lover jennageris. and all the rest. i love you guys.

"Who loves you?"
this is the best thing to be thankful for. not only do i get to love, but i am loved in return.
my mommy loves me. my family loves me. my friends love me.
and my boy loves me too :D.
that last one astonishes me the most. that i would get to love him so entirely and he returns it. completely. when i give, he gives back. it's a two way street. it's...amazing.

"Who needs you?"
i like this question. it's a tough one. i like it.
my mom needs me. i can tell. i try to be there for her, i try really hard, but i need to do better. i need to be better.
my sister needs me. a lot of the time i think she acts the way she does because she's worried about me leaving. it comes out in what she says. i have considered leaving so many times lately. but i stay, because they need me.
gihan needs me. if he loves me as much as i love him, i can say with the utmost of confidences that he needs me. i just hope i can be there.

"What are your dreams?"
i want to be happy. i want to live without the tightening in my chest. without the level of stress that i currently carry. i dream of a day when people allow others to live as they please (within reason...let's not hurt others, k?).
haha, that last one was so right to privacy meets martin luther king jr.
i dream of a time without judgment. i dream of making a difference in this world.
i dream of dancing with the man of my dreams (whoever he may be) at my wedding.
i dream a lot.

"What's worth fighting for?"
love is worth fighting for.
anything worth dying for is worth living for, and i would die for love.

"What's worth running after?"
love. love is worth chasing. love in every sense of the word is worth all fo the pain it comes with. it's worth it all. it is everything. it is the reason i breathe. Love. an abused word, but powerful just the same.

and one more jamie quote:
"Consider the air in your lungs. It will be gone one day, and these chapters will close. If i had to guess, i would say you're early in your story. There is still a lot of time for hope to happen, for change to find you, for love and beauty and truth and songs you haven't even heard yet."

answer these questions. they're really great for thinking.
-katie