title: Decode by Paramore
i'm so angry. i am soooooooooo angry.
firstly, on thursday i asked marissa if she was going to the play on friday because kayla and i were going to go that day. she said she couldnt' because she had to clean her house for thanksgiving. a weak excuse, but whatever. then jordyn asked her a while later and she said she was hanging out with katie zap that night, so she wasn't sure. DON'T LIE TO ME! does she really think i'm that awful? that i wouldn't be okay with her seeing a friend who came home from college? because that's fine, it's the lying i'm pissed about.
then to make matters worse, when we were at the play, kayla and i waved to katie and marissa, and katie waved back. marissa ignored us completely.
you know, i can deal with the thought of a friend drifting away. i really can, but it's when they pretend they're making an effort that i'm bothered. she pretends like she's too busy for me, when in reality, she doesn't try. she told jordyn (right in front of me) that she went from having a free weekend to a full one during fifth hour. she told me she was too busy well before then. if she doesn't want to be around me, then fine. just don't pretend like you're trying.
secondly, remember that website i talked about a while ago (the blog about the girl that died)? well we were talking about the election, and have been for a while. well, the site is made up of christians so you can imagine that most of them are republicans and think obama is the anti-christ. and you know, i dont' care. but now that obama has won, can we stop whining? how come they can criticize people for not supporting bush, because "he's our president and deserves it" but they dont' have support obama for the same reason? i thought mike said it best, "i support the president until he gives me a reason not to,"
then i was told i'm not a real christian because i'm pro-choice. what the fuck.
lastly and then i promise i'm done, would everyone please back the hell off with their opinions aobut me and my dad. i have made the decision not to have any contact with him for my own health and sanity. i dno't care if you think i should respect him. i did respect him, thta ship has sailed. if anyone had any idea what it's been like to grow up like this, to not respect your own father, they'd shut up. i'm doing what's best for me, i would appriciate it if i wasn't thrown under the bus for protecting myself.
i'm just sick of all the judgment. i'm sick of the lying. i'm sick of fakeness.
and i'm pissed.
-katie
That's when the irony hit me...Saturday, November 8, 2008
Posted by Katie at 8.11.08
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3 Comments:
At November 9, 2008 at 10:43 PM, 
said........
said........
I was stalking Alex's art journal and FOUND YOU. And I read your journal entry and was compelled to tell you something that might make you feel a little better.
You know my oldest brother, Matt? His biological father was also an alcoholic and he was a pretty heavy drug user as well. I think Matt was about 12 or so when he just totally stopped having anything to do with his dad. And he's never regretted it.
You probably already know this, but you're the only person who can make this important of a decision for yourself. Never ever let anyone else influence you otherwise. Sometimes these things are better if you let them go.
I just wanted to let you know that you're not being selfish in this decision, not one bit. I guess if I were in your shoes I'd want some reassurance, and that's what I was trying to offer you, ha ha!
Oh, and you're not a real Christian, you're a real THINKING Christian, one who actually, you know, THINKS about the Bible and makes your own decisions! ;)
-The Fabulous Kaitlin
You know my oldest brother, Matt? His biological father was also an alcoholic and he was a pretty heavy drug user as well. I think Matt was about 12 or so when he just totally stopped having anything to do with his dad. And he's never regretted it.
You probably already know this, but you're the only person who can make this important of a decision for yourself. Never ever let anyone else influence you otherwise. Sometimes these things are better if you let them go.
I just wanted to let you know that you're not being selfish in this decision, not one bit. I guess if I were in your shoes I'd want some reassurance, and that's what I was trying to offer you, ha ha!
Oh, and you're not a real Christian, you're a real THINKING Christian, one who actually, you know, THINKS about the Bible and makes your own decisions! ;)
-The Fabulous Kaitlin
At November 10, 2008 at 4:16 PM, 
Jay said........
Jay said........
So...my thoughts
Marissa can screw herself if that's the way she's going to treat you. At least people who drift from me don't pretend to try. I really wish you could have said hi at the play though. SAD FACE.
I find it hard to face christians sometimes. Many of the people who primarily identify themselves as christians are just people I cannot seem to agree with on a lot of issues and topics. I see you as someone who has many facets to your personality. You are so much more than a christian. You have thoughts and feelings that are your own, and if people are going to insult your integruty and decency because of your feelings, you need to distance yourself from that.
I don't know who is telling what you should feel for your father. I dunno, but if I were to see him right now, I'd have very little, if any, respect for him. I know you feel that this is the right choice, and that you know anyone who challenges you is wrong, so I don't really have to tell you that.
LOVE,
Jen
Marissa can screw herself if that's the way she's going to treat you. At least people who drift from me don't pretend to try. I really wish you could have said hi at the play though. SAD FACE.
I find it hard to face christians sometimes. Many of the people who primarily identify themselves as christians are just people I cannot seem to agree with on a lot of issues and topics. I see you as someone who has many facets to your personality. You are so much more than a christian. You have thoughts and feelings that are your own, and if people are going to insult your integruty and decency because of your feelings, you need to distance yourself from that.
I don't know who is telling what you should feel for your father. I dunno, but if I were to see him right now, I'd have very little, if any, respect for him. I know you feel that this is the right choice, and that you know anyone who challenges you is wrong, so I don't really have to tell you that.
LOVE,
Jen
second, you'll often find that people who "believe" things, often have difficulty wrapping their minds around change. with the pro-choice thing, people like that tend to put it as pro-abortion or anti-abortion, instead of the fact that you want to respect people's right to choice, and that you understand that people will choose to do something anyway, and you might as well protect them from disease and infection when they do it.
last, tell these people to worry about themselves. that bastard of a father has never put his children first, therefore doesn't deserve to be called a father, and therefore, you are not indebted to him.
and just remember, people are going to think whatever they want, you need to remember respect their opinions, but at the same time, don't let what they say get to you :D. but also, being angry from time to time is alright (just as long you don't kill someone)