i am so confused. i had a series of dreams that kind of concern me.

the first, i was getting married. i was the same age i am now, it seemed to be spring. i was running around my house trying to make sure everything would be perfect. i put my dress on, and walked out the front door of my house. first there was a white carriage to take me away, but suddenly it turned brown. i started to freak (as every bride i swore i'd never be would), but when i turned around a a long white limo was waiting. my driveway was covered in flowers. my dress was pretty (not my favorite style, but still pretty).

the next dream was different. it was the reception. my "husband" was all i could think about. the rest of the room was a blur, all that was still was his face. he's all i cared about. he's all i wanted, and i could wait for my life with him.

the next confused me the most. i was in the car with my mom, on my way to my new home. when i got there, my aunt kim opened the door. she was the one who'd gotten married, and i, for an unknown reason, was living with them. she had just gotten married to the man i had married in the previous dream, but i was jealous. i didn't feel wronged, so the dreamed couldn't have been connected. it was odd, but i wwas really excited to be living there.

i think i have this one figured out. i'm lonely. i'm insanely lonely. the marriage thing has a lot to do with a few things. one, i miss my boyfriend. i miss gihan so terribly, and i know i'll see him in six days, but it's feeling really hard lately. please note that my "husband" in the second dream was not gihan (actually, i'm quite embarassed to say it was dr. mcdreamy from grey's anatomy), but i've been so deprived of that kind of companionship, the extreme of marriage makes sense (as long as it's in dream form). the third i believe illustrates my need for a happy stable family. the divorce is really taking a toll on me. i feel like nothing is happening.

so basically i'm lonely, and i'm have weird marriage dreams. i wish they'd come back, i was so happy and relaxed.

-katie*