title: Empty Handed by Michelle Branch

okay, so that quote is easily overdramatic. i'm not drowning in misery. but i am feeling like i'm drowning.

as quite a few people know gihan left for college on saturday. he left early in the morning so the last time i saw him was friday night (technically saturday morning i suppose...i was there until one). i expected to be sad. i expected it to hurt. just not this much.

this is ridiculous. i have cried for two days! on my way to lifetime yesterday i kept tearing up to the point that i was worried my makeup would be super smeared when i finally went in. i cried when i talked to him. then this morning seemed better. i woke up, did some stuff, talked to jenna, and everything seemed brighter. until i saw the text he sent me. he asked me if the sweatshirt he left with me still smelled like him (which should have been a ridiculous question because he scent stays forEVER). so when i went to go check i realized that it didn't smell like him. it smelled like the air freshener in my car (it was in my car all day yesterday). then i snapped. i went to find the shirt i'd worn to his house and it didn't smell, and the other shirt i had worn was in the wash. it really really hurt. i feel like i'm losing him. i know that's silly because he'll be home in a month but it still hurts.

the real kicker is that i can't tell him. i don't have the heart to tell him how upset i am because he's already got so much to deal with. he already has to deal with being completely alone in a new school in a new city. i can't tell him how much it hurts that he's gone. and i feel like none of my friends can understand. i just feel entirely alone. i need to stop crying though.

i'm just really sad right now. i know it'll pass, but for today, it just plain sucks.

-katie*